Friday, April 13, 2012


I want to write. I have things in my head, but it's all jumbled up and the kids are around, so I can't concentrate. I should really be more present for them. 
I have a hangover. Strangely it's not too bad. Met up with friends for a charity quiz night last night, and rarely, I wasn't driving and I fancied a pint of Guinness (or two). 
Won a prize in the raffle - a family day out to a local farm. 
It's hailing outside, proper big lumps of ice, pelting down against the window. We're having a typical April - April showers all the time, then sun, lots of rainbows.
My little girl is singing, a sweet bird-like song, it's entertaining the baby, so for once he's not screaming to be in my arms. 
I've survived another week, my sanity intact, my babies flourishing. Today is Friday 13th, Lorci's 11 month birthday. A special day, because he was born on Friday 13th as well. Does that make him Satan reincarnate? No, he's not that bad, he's getting easier, I'm getting more energy for him, he's less on the boob and more adventurous on the ground. He's funny at the moment, because he goes off hunter-gathering. Exploring floors, searching for food. He always manages to find something to put in his mouth, no matter where we are, and if he doesn't, he goes up to people begging for whatever food they're eating. A few loud grunts and a mouth open in anticipation is all he needs to communicate what he wants. What an instinct to survive he has.
I've been trying to fix my broken body. I've been on underactive thyroid pills for the last week and I'm starting to notice a difference. It can't be placebo, because I'm actually waking up in the mornings now. It's a massive difference. Yesterday morning I amazingly got up before the kids. I've never done that before!
They normally wake me. I struggle to get out of bed. I struggle through the morning, grunting because I don't have the energy to speak. Normally I start to wake up by lunchtime - and then I'm ok for the day, until I slump again after battling them all to bed at 8pm.
But now I'm on these pills, I'm able to speak in the morning. I can smile. I don't want to curl up into a ball and stay sleeping all morning. I think they're making a difference. I'm finally looking forward to a summer doing lots of outdoor things with the kids. Hanging out on local beaches, taking them swimming, having outdoor picnics. Oh I hope this new kind of normal stays. 
I'm getting my sprained pelvis fixed too. I finished up with the chiro and found a local physio who seems lovely and is cheaper and more holistic. The whole 10 minutes of expensive chiro bone-chrunching without any massage just didn't sit happily with me. So my body is not feeling as sore, the sciatic pains are gone and my hands don't feel as numb and weak. Yeehah!
I'm optimistic - because if I can get my energy back and my body fixed, then I can have a great summer with the kids. I can start to enjoy them, finally, cos they are so wonderful and so sweet. 
Today for the first time, I sat with them and watched telly thinking, I'm so glad I'm a stay at home mum, because if I had a hangover and had to go to work today, I'd be very depressed. 
So I'm thinking how lucky I am that I don't have to work - and that the kids are healthy, amazingly healthy. I'm convinced my eldest is invincible as he's avoided direct-contact chicken pox about 10 times now and is the only boy in his pre-school class who hasn't had the dreaded spots. Amazing. 
I'm delighted I've got through the first year of 3 kids, and I'm getting my life back, and I'm taking more me-time to fix myself so I'm more able for them. At times I was so exhausted that I figured it must be depression, but I'm generally happy-go-lucky so I never stayed overwhelmed for long. And I got good at asking for help. For me, exhaustion and depression are so closely related. I started taking vitamin D, vitamin B, evening primrose and now thyroxine and I finally feel good on that potent cocktail.
Long may it last..

Here's me last summer enjoying a picnic with newborn Lorci


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