Thursday, February 07, 2013

COMING BACK TO LIFE

I went rollerblading today - and fell on my bum. 

The soreness is a reminder of my new get-up-and-go attitude to life, having replaced my can't-be-bothered oh-god-not-another-day malaise. 

Thank goodness I feel that I want to partake in life again. 

It's a whole new me.  




For most of my last six years, I've allowed pregnancy, post-natal recovery and childrearing to consume my life. I've been lost in a bubble of baby chaos. 

I've had an undiagnosed underactive thyroid brought on by pregnancy that has left me exhausted from dawn til dusk.

I've had no life myself. I've not known what to do with myself other than just survive the baby days. I've had no plan for the future. I've just plodded along, wishing away the days until the kids were a bit older, a bit more maneagable, and wishing my energy would return.

At last, finally, they are a bit more maneagable. 

And my health has recovered. My thyroid tablets seem to work.

Hurray, I feel like I'm finally getting my LIFE back. 

I've got so much going on at the moment. I've got a two-year-plan. I'm going to do a start your own business course and get involved in a couple of things. Things are getting back to some semblance of life. 

The problem is, grumble, grumble, the kids still steal and suck up so much of my time. Those pesky kids; the same ones who are whining at me now because I'm sat down and I'm not in servant mode. Am I a bad mum to want something more than just the kids?

To want to feel like a person again, not just a mum?

To put on a movie and give them popcorn during the day to buy myself quality time at the laptop?

A few precious minutes before the next unreasonable demand or the next scream from the one that's been hit or fallen over whilst doing acrobatics off the sofa.

That's what parenting's all about; pockets of time. Snatching those pockets and trying to make the most of them. Right now, I think I'm doing well, but goddammit there's just not enough hours in the day!

Here's what I'll fit into the next few weeks:

  • Looking after 3 kids (aged 1, 3 and 5), school pick ups, playdates etc
  • Designing a website for my husband's new business
  • Co-ordinating and running a branch of the Irish Childbirth Trust, Cuidiu, which includes chairing the AGM
  • Producing the quarterly newsletter for Cuidiu
  • Heading to Dublin to train as an antenatal teacher 
  • Writing freelance articles
  • Trying to update my blog more than once in a fortnight
  • Trying to develop my blog into something that gives me a little something back
  • Attempting to keep husband happy, which means switching off tech/iphone when he comes home
  • Fitting in friends and groups  
  • Planning a few days away for us at Easter
  • Writing a short story
  • Painting a picture of a lotus flower
  • Doing a start your own business course
  • Going into business with a friend to set up an after-school club
  • A few nights out with hubby and friends

Phew!

And the good news is, I'm no longer wishing my days away. 

I'm just wishing for more time.

And I can't wait to go rollerblading again...




 







2 comments:

Amy Vickers said...

gwen has left a new comment on your post "COMING BACK TO LIFE":

Oh. My. Goodness. I had this almost EXACT conversation with someone at the weekend! I too immersed myself for 6 years into the deep end that is babies!!! The last year has been great in that I have started writing again and running. Enjoy your antenatal course. I'm loving my Cuidiu Parent to Parent Support course. I hope your health continues to flourish and keep up the skating!!! You'll have killer legs and buns of steel in no time.

Col said...

Love, love your blog and have related to so much (but don't have the UA thyroid to blame for my 'down' views!!!!) The 'screaming' (one middle daughter) has abated thank goodness. But I have yet to 'come back to life'. I work remotely so between that and all that goes with 3 kids I have just 'lost' myself and really worry about that and the effect on my husband. We rarely have disposable income for sitters and an evening out...hopefully like you, I can hit that point of coming back in to life and seeing things differently...I turn 40 next year so maybe then!!!! Col